Hell October 20, 2010

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well…

 

Here is the “Bonus Question” on the exam: “Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

 

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

 

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

 

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and

pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

 

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

 

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A.”

 

7 step status updates September 13, 2010

its been quite some time now i wanted to the post this..

though i personally do not have a job looking at my peer’s fb’s status messages this is what i could infer

1. yay..my first day at work was awesome..everything is new , fresh , cool

2. after 2 weeks.. my first paycheck ..celebrations !!

3. after 4 weeks …cleared my driving test..got a license!

4. after 6 weeks on my way to PHD in buying a new car

5. i just got one ! cool, swanky, sasta , tikkav

6.after 9 weeks same old job, work routine, weekend , monday , my life sucks

7.after 10 weeks, finally  the much awaited long weekend, let me chill out at home and take some rest .i need to relax, its been quite a tiring journey

i have been raving to jump onto the 10 week cycle my friends have been going through…i wanna update my fb too with these mesgs but looks like mera number nahin abhi…let me wait and see

why men shouldn’t write advice columns December 2, 2009

grad student! October 15, 2009

I don’t like small talk.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I hate meeting new people.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I do not have time for relationships
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I haven’t been outside the university… like EVER
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I have no will to dress up
Yes, I’m a grad student.

There’s a bunch of wires in my bag,
Yes, I’m a grad student.

Power points decide where i sit.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

i google every word i don’t know(and know sometimes 😛 )
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I cant stay in a place without wi fi.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I know what I’m doing the rest of the week
Yes, I’m a grad student.

The only dates i know are deadlines and graduation dates(keeps changing 😛 )
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I cant remember the last time i cooked food.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

The only social interaction is facebook.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I know where free food is.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

The only thing that feels unfair is a career fair
Yes, I’m a grad student.

Yes, I TRY to sell myself to a pharma company
Yes, I’m a grad student.

Career fair t shirts are my best day clothes.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I cant write an email without brackets and references.
Yes, I’m a grad student.

My only friends are those who are in my course
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I pity people who are technically challenged
Yes, I’m a grad student.

If you want my attention, say “H1 B”
Yes, I’m a grad student.

I can actually be “just friends” with a female,
Yes, I’m a grad student.

And finally,

I composed this in my gmail editor coz it autosaves and backs up stuff.
Any guesses ? Yes, Yes, Yes, Im a grad student !!!!

Brain Vs Girlfriend July 28, 2009

No prices for guessing who won at last. Nice one……….

Akash was waiting for his love ….
“30 minutes late!!”, his brain shouted at him, “Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up … remember??”
“Yeah yeah”, he said to his brain, “You know her … all moody and stuff …. oh there she is”
“Scold her OK?”, his brain adviced.
“OK I will try”
Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says “Im sorry honey .. I was shopping for shoes .. totally forgot about you”
“What if you had said that line buddy?”, shouted his brain … “she would have had a nervous breakdown”
Akash ignored his brain .. “Its OK honey .. its only half an hour . no problem”
She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked “Hope you remember what occasion is today”
“OMG!!!”, thought Akash …..
“Brain … search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about”
Brain got into action … he started delegating work to different parts …
parallel processing .. multiple search ………. complete memory scan.
Sheetal stared at Akash …. “Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2 minutes now … u OK?”
“Huh!!!”, he said, “Oh … nothing’s wrong .. was lost in thought”
“No records found”, said the brain …
“Da**mn!!”, thought Akash
“So what say … how do we celebrate this day?”, she asked.
Akash is all confused … “Ask her ….dumbo?”.. said the brain
“OK OK …stop pushing me”
“Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today is”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, she shouted … and started crying.
“How could you forget!! ….. its my doggy’s birthday”
“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
A moment of silence.
His entire brain staff was laughing at him.
Akash was dumbfounded.
“What the hell am I supposed to do know?”, he asked his brain.
“Damage control sequence initialized … dont worry our specialist will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right”
“Better do it fast ..brainy”
The brain was working at 90% capacity …. gathering and analyzing all data on ‘How to handle women?’
Finally an answer was computed and communicated to Akash.
He looked up to her, and said “Of Course I remember your doggy’s bday .. how can I forget that sweet mutt’s special day”
She looked up with utter surprise …
“HUH!!!!!!! …….. Doggy is the name of my cat you je**rk”
She stood up angrily and left.
Akash and his brain were left there clueless .

latest wedding invitation! June 9, 2009

Check out this latest wedding invitation in zoozoo’s style 😉

Never be a Developer— TOO GOOD :-) May 18, 2009

Introduction:
Roshan D’Mello (QA Tester)
Developer (Mukesh Thakur)

Roshan D’Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in
username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn’t appear.

Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep
sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it
fixed.


After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur : Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.



After another 2 days,

Roshan D’Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in
some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry
is not getting the sound.



After another 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has
Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt
speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry’s machine, please use
head phones and then get the bug closed soon.



Another 2 days,

Roshan D’Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is
Different across different machines. Sound is coming as ‘BEEP’ in my machine, but
My colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound
as ‘TONG’.

Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The
Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do
You expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them
uniform?
Please close it.



Another 2 days,

Roshan D’Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep
Sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces
Beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend’s machine produces
Sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all
machines.



Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Thakur :  Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the
Volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both
The machines before I get mad and then close the bug.



Another 2 days,

Roshan D’Mello :  I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Thakur :  What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for
re-opening?

Roshan D’Mello:  Sound intensity is different for machines placed at
different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.



After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur : I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of
the
two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the
acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity
is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the
bugs.



After 1 year

Roshan D’Mello :  I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested
The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same
Acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that
intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur : GROWLLLL…..I am really mad now. I am sure that the
Sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background
noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because
of background noice.

Roshan D’Mello :   No need for that. We will put the machines and run
them in vacuum and see.

Mukesh Thakur: ??
Result———————–
He is now in mental asylum while Roshan D’Mello has become QA Manager.

Engineering Students May 14, 2009

EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS


Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2

but

Prove that 2/10=2

Ans : Normal college students insist Question is “OUT of Syllabus”.

but

Engineering Students replied:

2=two,
10=ten.

therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.

therefore

w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.

Hence Proved

FOR, Engineers “ It doesn’t matter ans kya hai, they say ans kya lana he.”

srinu sir’s jokes

Readin Seenu’s jokes might not cause u to laugh..
BUT HIS NARRATION DOES make u LAUGH UR HEAD OFF!!!!

did any one hear abt srinu sirs joke on scientists.w
well it goes like this
once all the scientists who have died have gone to heaven .the were playiong hide and seek
einstein is the thief.he started his count .newton stood at the back of einstein and havent moved from there.HE DREW A 1/I SQUARE AND STOOD IN THAT.AFTER THE COUNT EINSTEIN OPENED HIS EYES TO TURN BACK AD SEE THAT NEWTON WAS BEHIND HIM.HE TOUCHED NEWTON AND SAID THAT HE IS THE THEIF.NEWTON SAID THAT HE IS NOT NEWTON.”I’M NOT NEWTON”.EINSTEIN AND EVRYONE THOUGHT THAT NEWTON HAD GONE MAD.N

NEWTON EXPLAINED THEM THAT “I STAND IN A 1/1 SQUARE,THEREFORE IT IS NEWTON/METRE SQUARE……THEREFORE IT IS PASCAL. SO I’M PASCAL AND NOT NEWTON”
once seenu seriously came 2 d class and drew a tv(typical seenu style a square box wid an antenna on top!!!!) on d board….den he asked d students wanna know news????den he turned 2wards d board and drew an underwear in tht tv ahem..box and said news in brief…!!!!
Seenu:Babu… Prati 4 years ki Peepa competion lu jarugutayi kada(FIFA)… alage…. prati year KOTI lo story telling competition conduct chestaru…

Koti lo pedda shamyana vesi… 4 judges from different countries …

There are 4 topics to be essentially covered in every story…
1.Religion
2.sex
3.Suspense
4.Tragedy

1st one american comes… He tells his story : Marriage divorce Marriage divorce Marriage divorce Marriage divorce … blah blah …. It ended in 4 hours…

2nd … an english man : king died.. king wife died… king son died… blah blah… Sory-3hrs

Lastly our Babban babu comes ( Babaiah Naidu – sorry 4 his recent death)…

His story ” Oh My God! My Wife is going to deliver”

and steps down the dias…

Judges get infuriated and ask him 4 an explanation abt those points which were necessary….

Judges: where is religion?
Babban: God —- !! All religions…

Judges: where is sex?
Babban: Wife — female!!!!!

Judges: where is suspense?
babban: Adi babaa… paapaa… mari inka edannaa?? that is suspense..

Judges : Ok Babban babu!… tell me where is tragedy..
Babban: Tragedy ye hain ki uska baap kaun hain nahee maloom!!!!!!!

and steps down………
this time bond takes care that the ant doesn’t die…
now guess the back ground muzik pappae….

“live-ant,live-ant,live-ant…..”
(with the same james bond tune)
lolz….for his “brain”
one day seenu sir enters the class
and tells that his friend praveen went to KBC2 and won 1 crore
here is it for u
amithab:aapke samne 1 crore ka prashn pesh karne ja raha hoon
praveen: jee ha
amithab:sawal ye hai
abhishek bachan ka baap kaa naam kya hai
he gives 4 options 1st being amithab himself
praveen:(has 2 lifelines left)mein 50-50 use karronga
after doing all the process and after a few secs
amithab almost fell out of his seat
bcos

the computer eliminates the option amithab bachan
then he regains balance and controlling his anger
he askks praveen wat he wants to do now
praveen:i will use phone a friend
amithab:kise phone karna chahenge
praveen:jaya bachan
amithab calls jaya tells her everything about praveen and his game
then praveen asks jaya the question
then amithab bachan faints
reason……?
jaya bachan asks praveen

zara options batayiye
Seenu: Sachin and Kambli were gr8 gr8 friends….

Valliddaru oke kancham lo tinnaru… oke mancham lo padukunnaru… oke underwear vesukunnaru!! (Stus: ????)

Seenu: Vallu same skool lo chadivaru…
Same skool ground lo same day lo centuries chesaru..

They joined 1st class cricket on the same day… They joined International cricket the same day… (Stus:WOndering if all this is correct)

(He goes on)

They married the same day… Had sex the same day (stus: Some embarrased …. and now they realise that all this isnt true)

Seenu: But one problem boys::: Sachin had 2 children whereas Kambli had only one…

Kambli gets confused and asks Sachin how this is possi..

Then Sachin says BOOST IS THE SECRET OF MY ENERGY!!!

Venakalninchi Sehwag: OUR ENERGY!!!!!!!!

LOL
hey paps n babs…..sms occhindi..”Save Water,hav bath wid ur neighbours daughter”
Seenu: Once James Bond was going on his motor bike at 24.00 hrs at 999 kmph velocity…..

He suddenly stops the bike — an instantaneous stop to 0 kmph and brings out his Magnifying glass…

Seenu: Now babu,… babu ante paapa,.. meeru kooda vastharamma!! Now ,.. ok ….

Now, papae tell me what will be the backgroung music for the above episode???

Students(we): No answer….

Then

Seenu: Simp, the music is “Dead-ant Dead-ant Dead-ant Dead-ant”…..
(The James Bond Theme…….LOLZ
sreenu(showing a pic in his mobile):babu,eee photo lo vunna pillodu(young baby)..naa laganey..vunnadu kadha??

student(bakra):avunu sir

sreenu:maa pakkintabbai…lolz
srinuuuu…reminds only of nv jokes….egzampleeeeee…..da vry first day he cam 2 our class he went near da 1st bench gals n started talkin……….
srinu:papaaa r u sexy?????
student:feelin really vry strange at his ques saw him doubtfully…
srinu:enti papaaa
std:???
srinu:chichi meeku eppudu avey paadu budhullu….papaaaaaa nenu adigindi r u section c aaaaaaa ani…
gotchaaaaa sec C ANAMAAATA
srinu asked one boy in our class to collect the names of all the students who didnt giv the ramaiah ht-no…
he asked him to start with the girls…
the boy was taking a lot of time to collect the names..
srinu asked him…”arrey nuvvu ammayila phone numberlu collect chestunnava leeka vaari bio-data collect chestunnava”

when he was asking the phno’s of the girls he said –‘arrey ammyilu, phone numberlu koncham gattiga cheppandi .. abbayilu note chesukuntaaru’
hey howcum no one mentioned the jack n jill joke??!!!
srinu reads out this poem sayin nursery rhymes kuda pollute chestunnaru papae……..
jack n jill,
went up the hill,
to fetch a pail of water,
but dont kno wat happened
they came down vth a daughter!!!lolz
today, a student did not put comma when srinu sir dictated in his ysual style “cumaaa….”
then srinu noticed and scolded him saying “comma pettaledentra KAMA PISACHI!”
yeah…i kno…tht actually is the diff between a person jumping frm 4th floor and a person jumping frm 1st floor…aaaaaaaaaaaaa…. dhum……….

dhum………..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

!!!!

one dayb srinu comes to the class in his usual style..he asks a student..areyi..ur dad gives ur mom 1000rupees…and aftr 3 days he takes bac 300 rupees…then wat does ur mom get???
std:700rupees…
srinu:thnk logically….(finally the student gives up)
then srinu says….the ans is “ANGRY”..lolz…!!!!

once he told this joke a couple had 5 children so thr father says thr mother everyday while going to office tata bye bye do bachcho ki maa so she gets angry and says bye bye tata teen bachchon ka baap

another joke he told is tat a man had probs wth his wife coz she tod to buy whatever she wants thenhe takes her to zoo tat he will buy tat den he pushes her into the crocodiles cage den next mrng PETA and blua cross come to his house and say you r under arrest he asks why they say `for harassing crocodiles

During one of the tests, srinu sir came to our class room n said that there was a mistake in the question paper …. n he said that it was a huge mistake n we shud find the mistake ourselves ….

We were searching ,searching n searching for the mistake … finally he said
paapalu baabulu … prati questionki mundu :heart: symbol kotteyandi … kottesi STAR(*) pettandi …..
telusu ra meeku aa symbols alavatu aipoyayi … emchestam

one aunty has 5 children and all of them had the same name i.e. karthik,karthik,karthik,karthik,karthik.

…

once a guest came to their house..

guest :namaste madam
aunty:namaste
guest:meeku entamandi pillalu?
aunty: 5

(then all the five karthiks come out)

guest:abbo….mee pillalu muddu ga unnaru …..valla perlenti?
anty:karthik,karthik,karthik,karthik,karthik….
guest: adentandi mari…. vallani piliche tappudu meeru confuse avvara?
anty: nenu valla first name to pilavanu surname to pilustanu…

one day god will appear in front of a mus”cle” man..
god : wat do u want son??
muscle man : give me the world’s best women…
then god ‘ll give mother teresa to him n ‘ll vanish
lol…..seenu sir: vaadu mother teresa toh emi chestadu ra?

Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

there were 10 fishes in a pond……….
suddenly one fish dies!
now one tuff que! what happens to the level of water in the pond???/

increases! B COS all other fishes would cry for their frnd………….
============idhi maku ,crash course batch nadichetappudu cheppadu le!

A guy(x) is visited by his to-be father in law. Here’s the convo between them.

FIL: Babu neevu smoke chestava
x: ledu uncle. only 2 packets per day
FIL: Drink kodthava
x: Only 2bottles per day
FIL: Mari tobacco gutka alantivi
x: Just 5 -6 packets everday uncle
FIL: Chi chi neekanni negative paadalavatlena. okkati kooda positive alavatu leda??

x: undi kada! HIV positive

once, physics sir…sorry i dont rem his name..
he brot a tank in the class to show the ripples
it was in betwn srinu sirs class..
i was trying to put the plug into the socket…
he goes…baaaaga durrchali baabu…sukhanga undalii…aaaan aaan doorchu doorchu
————————————
another damned joke..
he as usual makes the ppl stand in class who were absent on the prev day..
he asks a guy for a reason..
the guy replies …’intlo pooja undi sir’
srinu “enti baabu…intlo pooja undaa..? dom intlo leka pote…intiki pooja ni tecchu kuntava…chi chi chi”

babban(praveens frn) goes to jungle

shoota an arrow at adeer misses by 1 metre.
babban:”makki nishanaa chutt gaya”
this continues for a while

a saint gets disturbed by this whole scene and asks babban to use good language

babban does not listen to the saint

as a result
saint:”oh! lord INDRA cut off babbans _______”

indra shoots arrows to earth
but saint’s ______ is cut off

now guess what

INDRA saya’MAKKI NISHANA CHUUT GAYA”
this was an incident in our class..

a girl was ill one day , she ran out of the class as she was about to vomit… unfortunately it was srinu’s class
srinu suddenly looks at a boy and says chi chi nuvvu ilanti vadivi ani anukoledu,…

srinu \m/
one of the assignment”s title was SRETTUG ROF
read it backwards
sreenu : idigo paapa ante baabu meern kooda amma now papae
okka rooju okka father valla baabu car lo veltunnaru amma ithe daari lo train guddi
father spot lo out appudu baabu ventane 108 ki phone cheesi urgent vaccheye
neenu emergency lo vunnanu ani chebu taadu ithe paapae theatre ki teesukuni velli
operation theatre ready cheestaru appudu doc says ‘neenu operation cheyyanu yendukante vaadu na koduku’ now the tuff q baby’s q aa doc aa baabu ki emavu thaadu paapa 1/2 nuvvu cheppamma

paapa:aa baabu ki two two fathers sir
Once a person was traveling in a Jeep across a forest and it so happens that a tiger starts chasing him.

he becomes very afraid and finally thinks of some way out. He gives a right indicator and takes a sudden left turn. But the tiger goes to the right because of the indicator.

But soon the tiger is back to chasing him. This time he does the reverse that is gives a left indicator and takes a right. The tiger is fooled once again but manages to get back to chasing him.

By this time the tiger is very angry and the man is very tense. He thinks very deeply and finally thinks of away out. Can anyone guess how?

He slows down the jeep and waves hand indicating the tiger to overtake !!!

A survey by UN :) April 30, 2009

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant, In India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant.

In Europe they didn’t know what ‘shortage’ meant.

In China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant.

In the Middle East they didn’t know what ‘solution’ meant.

In South America they didn’t know what ‘please’ meant.

And in the USA they didn’t know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant!